4 Healthy Family Essentials
1. Practice forgiveness on a regular basis.
2. Become aware of your own weaknesses.
3. Pay attention to the little things.
4. Put critcal things on project status.
What could I change about me to make our family a better family?
I took the challenge of the sermon to ask my sons to tell me what my weaknesses are and what I could do to “fix” the family. My son, Joel, asked me if I really want to know? He wanted to give it some time to think about it. Allowed. But, honestly, what in the world was I thinking? Up until just a few months ago, I echoed Frodo’s thoughts, “There’re some wounds too deep to heal. Some hurts that can not be mend.” And right about now, I feel like its an elephant in the livingroom I wished I had left unnoticed. Pray for me, I’ll need it.
These conversations are daunting for sure and at a minimum require courage. A bit of common sense and some healthy boundary setting can help such a conversation be productive despite the elephants–sleeping elephants or not.
One thought would be this: clarify that we are talking about the present and recent past, not our entire family history. Is there anything that I do or say in who I am now that hinders relationship or hurts this family? The goal isn’t to drag out the whole family history.
Families CAN talk about history; and a brave parent may wish to know if there was anything they did or said that they didn’t realize hurt their child (or spouse, etc). That can open things up, allow for apologies to be said, explanations given, wounds or misunderstandings to be healed. But there are also things that happen in families that one parent may not have been able to prevent. I suggest that if this is a concern, set some boundaries and keep things current if “our whole past” is too big of an elephant to awaken!
(There is such a thing as being “too open”–but most families don’t have that problem.)
Remember: the question is “is there anything about me that if I change it could help this be a BETTER family.” Better is different than “fixing our family.” Fixing requires God’s miracles! But our humility and openness can give God material for miracles.
Boundaries are good. Trying to keep it present, a challenge. Being able to have true humility (the serenity prayer). a grace-walk, most definitely. Being “too open”, already happened through professional guidance; couldn’t be helped. Courage to look in a fractured mirror and find an undistorted image, a miracle. Thanks for your instruction, I’ll still need those prayers.